It’s never easy to know what to do when someone you know is going through a hard time. I still remember when someone I had once been close to died unexpectedly. Upon hearing the news, memories flooded my brain like the birth of his first child, and stories of late night tea parties as we planned community fundraisers together. We integrated our professional aspirations with our dedication to our community.

At first, I wasn’t sure how to process the sudden news of his death –– then I remembered an article our team member had shared in which the author wrote about how her sister, a New York City teacher, asked her students one simple question:

"Do you want to be helped, heard or hugged?"

The article goes on to share how significant the question is to clarifying needs and de-escalating swirling emotions in order to take positive action and create an experience of comfort and calm.

In any relationship ... colleague, friend, partner, spouse… it is always ideal to ask, “How can I meet your needs?”

It might sound fairly basic, but it’s not usually the first question we default to – and it can be so powerful. This is truly one of the most compassionate and empathetic ways we can show up for one another. Instead of offering help, or a listening ear, or even a hug (one of those may be your go-to way of offering love and support) this article suggests you ask the question allowing you to show in the way they need you to show up. Powerful.

We’ve worked to integrate this approach into our team culture at PointNorth, despite our fast-paced work ethic – and I’m so glad we did. Might you do the same for your organization?

I think it's important to remember what is happening with each of us isn't always the work but may be factors outside of work. We all have just one life and it blends together. Showing up to ask, do you want to be helped, heard or hugged can be a powerful question. You never know when your teammate just might need the help, to be heard or even be given a hug!